Funny But True

We women are complicated. Our thoughts go a mile a minute, we usually have too many browser windows open in our minds, and one of them is playing some music that we will never stop singing. Women also are great at doing a lot of things. Raising kids, running a business, making dinner while watching YouTube and listening for the dryer to buzz and finishing that presentation/project for tomorrow.

But another thing that we are good at, but often times are told we are too sensitive, emotional, or psychotic is when we are having to argue with someone. Here is my list of the top deadliest phrases that a woman can utter during an argument, and if you start to hear these being uttered, stop, walk away, and find and I’m sorry gift.

  1. I’m Fine. – Trust me, she is never fine. This is just the tip of the iceberg, and you are the Titanic. Fine means something is wrong, it may or may not be you and until you know, tiptoe around her until you know who she is mad at.
  2. Nothing. – It’s always something. But it’s not always about you. It could be that the woman at work she was friends with just talked about her behind her back. If you hear this one, simply bring her a glass of wine, and make very little noise.
  3. Whatever. – She has realized that you are completely wrong, and she is not even about to argue about your wrongness any longer. This can also be the end of the initial argument. Be careful, the next words you say could be the start of the next argument.
  4. Do what you want. – Don’t do what you want. Do not do it! This isn’t permission, this is a test, and you have been set up for failure. If you want to go golfing with your buddies instead of to her grandmother’s 80th birthday, and this phrase is spoken, you better be in a button-down shirt with a nice gift for grandma.
  5. I’ll just do it. – This one will be said after she has asked you to do something. It could be walking the dog or changing the oil in her car. But when she says this, it’s already too late for you to do it, and if you do, you may get a …
  6. Gee Thanks. – This is not an appreciation for doing said thing. It’s a sarcastic response for you acting when you finally had no choice and were attempting to not make her mad. You have still failed.
  7. Don’t worry about it. – When she was expecting something from you, dinner out, time together, sexy time, and you chose to do something else with your friends and asked if it was okay. This one is not as bad as #1, but usually said together, and therefore, proceed with caution or you may also hear Do What You Want.
  8. Wow. – This one is her utter amazement that you can fit your entire foot in your mouth at one time. She is amazed that you have survived this long. Again, stop talking, apologize, and be on your best behavior.
  9. Explain to me. – It’s already too late, she knows the truth. She is giving you a chance to do the right thing and admit your guilt or dig your grave even deeper.
  10. Silence. – There is nothing worse than a woman’s silence. When she has nothing left to say to your dumbass, she is now plotting your demise, and believe me, she has watched enough true crime documentaries to ensure you will not be found. She also has a group of friends with alibis, shovels, and quick lime.

I hope these made you laugh but realize that we are complicated creatures because most of us women have said one or all of these in an argument. Ladies, if you have any others please share them, I’m sure there are many I have overlooked, just going off of what I have said or heard.

Be strong, be beautiful, be you

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